Saturday, January 25, 2025

We deserve a higher standard



I saw a critique/director decimate an artist, publically after viewing the work they had done, because they did not meet a certain standard. 

Art is a failure, first because it never is exactly like you imagined, and never a failure because it takes off. People in between are crucial too. Standards unless written or articulated clearly are merely feelings. - I remember standing on stage in costume and character, feeling, not good or bad, but that - feeling of Meh! - A coldness - mediocrity - technically the play was perfect, the artists were great, but what was I feeling? Ennui on stage in the middle of the play!


Feelings of happiness and euphoria from seeing a piece of art that is aesthetic, synchronous, mellifluous, breathtaking - and other things that connect to the feelings of the audience. We cannot take the standards for granted. 


Setting standards is necessary for the artist - they too deserve the standard, as do the audience. It is not about the adulation that they get - that still is objective. Meeting a standard, and a high one helps you with your feelings. 


Still, articulating what standards are, markers are is very crucial, otherwise it is basically like stringing paltitudes about your favourite artists and calling them a standard. Sit down, do the exercise, as questions, identify. 


As an artist and as a community you have to decide that standard and that benchmarker for art. It means, we stand and examine all the art, the ones assigned the label good, and bad. It demands a process of investing in a constant dialogue, as a process not as a final - summation. It involves humility, honesty and audacity in the face of criticism and skepticism. It involves you moving beyond shame from watching your failures. And, still the standards change - based on a situation that we are in. They are not set in stone. 


In one area, however, there is no compromise on what the marker or standard is - kindness. Public shaming, humiliation because you differ in your idea of what art is - should not be considered markers of standards in people. People deserve a higher standard in life.


Friday, January 24, 2025

100 things about myself!


I’ve always enjoyed reading lists like these on other blogs. They’re fun, insightful, and help me see the world from someone else’s perspective. So, as I work on restarting my website, here’s my own attempt at sharing a hundred things about me. TW - Some parts of my story, are not pleasant. I am sorry.

  1. - I am the youngest child of my parents. ๐Ÿ‘ถ
  2. - I was born in 1978. ๐ŸŽ‚
  3. - My birthdate was chosen by my parents, who opted for a Caesarean delivery.
  4. - I have a sister who lives in the US. ๐ŸŒŽ
  5. - My name is Deepthy Chandrashekhar. The "y" is my father's South Indian touch. I was named after a dancer my father met at Bangalore Little Theatre (BLT).
  6. - My birth was mentioned in BLT's newsletter, Backstage.
  7. - I am 5 feet 3 inches tall. ๐Ÿ“
  8. - I've always been a plus-sized baby.
  9. - I am close to my maternal cousins.
  10. - As a child, I loved skipping, reading books, and drawing. ✏️
  11. - Trigger Warning: I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, which lasted from ages 5 to 12. I stopped it by confronting the abuser. ๐Ÿ›‘
  12. - I did not know I had to survive that. It did not come easily. I was a victim for years. One day I got tired of it, and since then I ahve been learning to surive. Learning to surive that experience has taught me about trust, self-acceptance, and forgiveness. ๐Ÿ’ช.. that i have them in dhort reserve...and have to grow them!
  13. - I’ve been bitten by dogs three times. As a child, the first two incidents led to 14 belly injections each. ๐Ÿ•
  14. - My earliest dream, at age 4, was of carrying a bag with four puppies in the rain, alongside my sister holding an umbrella. ☔
  15. - My first and only love is Grey. ๐Ÿ’•
  16. - I admire reptiles like lizards and snakes—from afar. ๐ŸฆŽ
  17. - My father played classical music every night. Bhimsen Joshi, Kumar Gandharva, and Gangubai Hangal were household staples. ๐ŸŽถ
  18. - I doodle easily. ๐Ÿ–️
  19. - I started bleaching my face at 15 as I was repeatedly told I was dark skinned, and only stopped last month.
  20. - I have a complicated relationship with food. ๐Ÿด
  21. - I love dancing but only behind closed doors. ๐Ÿ’ƒ
  22. - The happiest day of my life was when my last sister was born—I felt maternal. ๐Ÿผ
  23. - I struggled with school and eventually learned to cope. ๐Ÿ“š
  24. - I can listen to the same song on repeat until it feels like it's in my veins. ๐ŸŽง
  25. - I love the feeling of sunshine on my skin. ☀️
  26. - I adore my freckles. ๐ŸŒŸ
  27. - I've worn kajal since I was 13, inspired by Shehnaz Hussain’s eyes. ๐Ÿ‘️
  28. - My first celebrity crush was Shivraj Kumar. Tuvi Tuvi Tuvi
  29. - My mother was a movie buff who introduced me to international cinema. ๐ŸŽฅ
  30. - My childhood was rough. Turbulent seas.
  31. - I ran away from home three or four times as a kid in response to abuse (physical, emotional, sexual). ๐Ÿƒ‍♀️
  32. - I always apologize - even when i have not done anything wrong. ๐Ÿ™
  33. - I've always sought love. ๐Ÿ’ž
  34. - I’ve loved deeply and leave it at that.
  35. - My first boyfriend was my neighbor.
  36. - My second boyfriend was controlling and struggled with alcohol. Breaking up with him led to years of guilt.
  37. - Today, I’m a few kilos below my heaviest weight. ⚖️ Yeah!!!
  38. - My mind is constantly creating art projects. ๐ŸŽจ
  39. - I relate to Ekalavya—learning from everywhere. ๐ŸŒฑ
  40. - I am anti-war and anti-drugs. ✌️
  41. - I love handloom saris. ๐Ÿ’ƒ
  42. - I am drawn to Indian art and folk art worldwide. ๐Ÿ–ผ️
  43. - I have lived within walls and locks for years. I am a huge Hayao Miyazaki fan. ๐ŸŒธ
  44. - Most of my close friends have been since my college days ๐Ÿ‘ฏ‍♀️
  45. - I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2024 at age 46.
  46. - I write aimlessly, always feeling like a story is inside me. ✍️
  47. - I am deeply spiritual. ๐Ÿ•‰️
  48. - I love all things Japanese.
  49. - Horror movies terrify me. ๐Ÿ˜จ
  50. - I struggle with routines despite good intentions.
  51. - I follow the 12-step program to stay grounded.
  52. - My dream is to make a quilt. ๐Ÿชก
  53. - I am in regular counseling for PTSD and anxiety. ๐ŸŒฑ
  54. - I hated school as a child, as I was bullied by two classmates and a teacher, who beat me regularly.
  55. - The most beautiful person I’ve seen, apart from my mother, is Ms. Sharon Lowen.
  56. - I dislike the concept of marriage but love the idea of a life companion. ๐Ÿ’
  57. - I think I’d be a good mother. I’m already a great aunt. ๐Ÿงธ
  58. - I love the sky and clouds. ๐ŸŒค️
  59. - Old, tall trees bring me comfort. ๐ŸŒณ
  60. - I adore cat videos. ๐Ÿฑ
  61. - I recently started playing Wordle and love it!
  62. - I think counseling and therapy are invaluable. ๐Ÿ›‹️
  63. - I am experiencing baby fever at the age of 46.
  64. - I prefer sitting cross-legged on the floor. ๐Ÿง˜‍♀️
  65. - #MeToo - bit.ly/3W4TU4r
  66. - I am tattoo-free but full of scars.
  67. I was almost mauled by a leapord. 
  68. - Popcorn at the movies is a must! ๐Ÿฟ
  69. - I’ve struggled with self-worth all my life. I have always felt i was ugly, and unlovable.
  70. - Jeans and T-shirts are my go-to. ๐Ÿ‘–
  71. - Clean-shaven men > beards. Random but true.
  72. - I wear a lot of black—it makes me feel good. ๐Ÿ–ค
  73. - I can cook well but prefer not to on workdays. ๐Ÿฅ˜
  74. - Korean historical movies captivate me.
  75. - I’m an extroverted introvert.
  76. - My favorite song is Brand New Day by Sting and Stevie Wonder. ๐ŸŽต
  77. - A book is waiting to be written inside me. ๐Ÿ“–
  78. - Vanilla ice cream is my favorite. ๐Ÿจ
  79. - I’d love to meet Naseeruddin Shah.
  80. - Leonard Bernstein would be my choice of a historical figure to meet. ๐ŸŽผ
  81. - I aspire to write poetry and try my best - almost everyday on my whatsapp status.
  82. - My worst years were between ages 5 and 30.
  83. - I take photos mostly on my phone. ๐Ÿ“ฑ
  84. - I was saved by grace in 2009. ๐Ÿ™
  85. - I am grateful for this life. ๐Ÿ’•
  86. - My website relaunch starts here. ๐ŸŒ
  87. - I once made a pen pal while researching Japanese culture. ๐Ÿ–‹️ He was French! He visited me, and it was great!
  88. - My favourite word this year is Mottainai. Look it up!
  89. - My favourite quote from 12 Steps is - It wont happen in a day, but it will happen one day!
  90. - I remind myself - I am worthy, talented. (hough I still dont believe it - feelings of insecurity and unworthiness are crippling)
  91. - I gave up NSD to make my father happy.
  92. - Prayers are a part of my sobriety.
  93. - Embroidery is part of my sobriety. I need it!
  94. - Long walks are my therapy. ๐Ÿšถ‍♀️
  95. - The first celebrity I ever met, was Dr. Vishnuvardhan.
  96. - I put out things on my social media, so people who follow me get to see one version of me. What I want to be kept pure and precious, i want to protect... i only reveal to the ones i love.
  97. - I believe in acts of kindness, no matter how small, though i have been very unkind many times (mostly to my mother) and regret them. ๐ŸŒŸ
  98. - I end most days with gratitude and reflection. ✨ - I try!
  99. - This is me—flawed, learning, and evolving.
  100. xoxo, Dee ๐Ÿฅฐ